Maintaining a healthy intimate relationship can be difficult under the best of circumstances, but when you mix in children, the “noise” and distraction of modern life it can be near impossible. The promising news is that according to the New York Times (Source) divorce rates are down compared to the 1970’s and early 1980’s, but does this mean we are happier or we are just staying together?
What couples need more than ever is an intimate connection with one another. Technology has stripped away some of the closeness that we may have felt in relationships of long ago. Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Texting, Emails, all of these modern distractions have taken away the deeper connection and true intimacy that humans crave. Working late hours, traffic, helping kids with homework, dinner, dishes, life is busy and we so often put ourselves and our relationship last. We are oftentimes left feeling anxious, depressed and like a complete stranger to our husband or wife.
The connection we have with our spouse should be our number one priority, but we often put it last. Doing this year after year can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction. What happens when you’ve just been playing roommate with your partner for years, then the kids leave for college and you are going into retirement age– what’s left at that point?
Nurturing our loved ones, finding time to build a healthy intimate relationship can and should be done, but it takes some effort.
A good place to start is identifying that you need to work on your relationship, from there it takes planning… What you need is time.
Carving out even the smallest amount of time to be with your partner free of distractions. It may feel overwhelming and like you can’t possible squeeze in another thing, but think of it as a slow drip approach, not full throttle. Start with 30 minutes a week.
Schedule 30 minutes that you will devote to your spouse that is all about them. Don’t fret, the following week will be all about you, but the point is to be completely focused on one person at a time. And a great activity for this is a massage.
Why massage? Not only does it feel good, it has been proven to relax, reduce aches and pains, and produce endorphins. It’s not just the science though, it’s also the skin to skin contact that promotes a closeness that not centered around sex.
According to Psychology Today, “ Intimacy is crucial to normal human functioning.” Many times the physical act of touching someone can lead to meaningful, deep conversations and evoke feelings of happiness and connection. When we can communicate on this level, it can improve the overall well being of the relationship but also reduce anxiety and depression in ourselves. It’s helping both the relationship and the individual.
I know everyone isn’t a trained massage therapist, which is why the SPABALL Massage Kit makes it easier to massage. If used consistently and by the guidelines, SPABALL and the self guided tutorials might just be the answer to reducing stress and improving the quality of your relationship.