There are a lot of you guys out there that have never had a professional massage before. People keep trying to talk you into it, but we BOTH know you shouldn’t bother. Am I right or am I right? As a favor to you I’ve listed 5 reasons why you SHOULDN’T so you can be armed with hard–core facts to get those nags off your hairy back.

1: The guys will think you’re a girly man.
Even though many elite athletes consider massage an essential part of their training and recovery routine why should you do it also? Heck, you aren’t an elite athlete and you never will be. I’m sure there is a good reason they do it (they probably think it makes them perform better, HA SUCKA) but you don’t want the guys thinking you are a pampered lap dog. Don’t risk it!

2: It’s a waste of money.
Why spend money on a massage when you could use that for a good bottle of tequila? Even though Health & Fitness Magazine says massage acts to improve performance, reduce pain, prevent injury, encourage focus and shorten recovery time, doesn’t mean YOU’LL see any cost savings. Visiting the doctor when you have injuries or back pain isn’t THAT expensive. Plus, doctor’s visits are way more fun than getting a massage. Ol’ Dr. Jelly-Finger hasn’t seen you in a while anyway.

3: You lose out on that sweet sympathy from your partner!
Massage can help break down adhesions (scar tissue) and prevents injury, so no more special treatment from your loved ones from getting hurt during sports! You will just have to FAKE an injury if you want your honey to feel sorry for you.

4: Your mind will be muddled and you won’t be able to think.
People are so relaxed after a massage, right? They say that massage improves mental focus and helps the mind with problem-solving and coping with stressful situations. But, by the looks on people’s faces when they just had a massage, there is NO way that’s true. It’s probably best to go through your week with things on your mind and being stressed out because if you were actually focused and relaxed people would start to talk.

5: No Pain No Gain.
Everyone knows that! Massage reduces pain, anxiety, and stress because it releases endorphins, which is a natural painkiller. Massage feels GREAT so how are you supposed to gain if you have no pain? Sure, sometimes a deep massage on those tired and sore muscles kind of hurts but it’s a good hurt. The kind that dreams are made of. So for SURE don’t get a massage

I hope this helps you out. Let me know how it goes!

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